This week's prompt was '...all at once they fell over...'
Slowly, the plank started to shiver! It curled towards the deep blue ocean where the waves tossed and turned like sleeping babies.The innocent victim's faces turned blood red as tears trickled down their tanned cheeks, their eyes swelling. The men's spindly ankles shook with fright at the thought of being stripped of skin by the ferocious sharks; who would have thought pirates showed their vulnerability?
Suddenly, a shark sprung out of the water towards the trembling victims it caught the edge of the plank sending one of the trembling pirates plunging in to the water followed by his fellow crew mates.
The screams of terror echoed in the hot air as they tumbled into the cool water. As the bricks (which were tied to their ankles) took the victims further and further down into the depths of the ocean, they were dragged past sapphire and yellow coral: ruby red starfishes and schools of piranha.
Without warning, a beast of a shark sped towards them, its jaws wide open full of jagged teeth painted a deep red, ready to crunch through their bones! His eyes were full of rage and anger; the terrified pirates screamed for air, but their lungs only filled with more water. What had the men ever done to the captain? They had never mutinied; they had never stolen any treasure! The captain had turned funny ever since he'd hired a new chef.
Petrified, the distraught men kicked. They tried to reach the surface; they needed air - now! They were never going to surive the bloodthirsty sharks, or would they...
You can watch the girls write the story 'as live' by pressing play on the following link: http://falconsgirls.primarypad.com/ep/pad/view/5/latest
You can watch the girls write the story 'as live' by pressing play on the following link: http://falconsgirls.primarypad.com/ep/pad/view/5/latest
3 comments:
Hello Molly and Alex. I loved your story. (It was quite a lot over 100 words!)
You used plenty of vivid description. A very well written piece. It was interesting to see the video too.
Next time you take part in the 100WC try to keep to the 100 words; you then have to make lots of decisions about which words to use and which to lose. Keep on writing!
Hi Alex and Molly. Wow, what a wonderful story full of exciting and imaginative descriptive words. I really felt the men's fear as they tumbled into the water from the hot air into the cold murky depths. It must have taken their breaths away. And then to see the huge shark beast coming towards them. It was so exciting to read. Really well done. Thank you for a lovely story.
I really enjoyed this story, Molly and Alex, and it was really interesting to hear you redaing it aloud.
You built up the tension really well in the first paragraph, and created a real sense of terror in the following ones. Well done for this.
Mrs Halford is right - next time it would be good to try to keep to 100 words, as this really does make you think even more carefully about your writing to decide how to tell the same story in fewer words.
I can see why you got carried away this time though, because the story you told is so exciting.
I'm really looking forward to reading your work again on the 100WC.
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